Doula Self Care-You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup
To our new readers, thank you for joining us. For our regulars, welcome back and thank you! Doulas are trained to care deeply, but who cares for the doula? This one is for all of our fellow doulas. We love and appreciate every single one of you! It is very important to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others. That means helping ourselves and each other so we don’t burn out. We have such a beautiful community, and we need to remind ourselves that we, too, can ask for help when we need it. Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and candles-but we do love that combo- it’s about mental, emotional care, family balance, physical self-care, ethical care, and setting boundaries.
Life of a Doula
Let us start with what your life may look like when you're a doula. When we think about becoming a doula, we have so many emotions pass through us. We may feel excited, intrigued, and filled with compassion, but we must remember to take accountability for our actions and responsibilities. We may already have people who depend on us-children, partners, parents, siblings, friends, etc. Now you will have your clients depending on you to be a part of their very special journey. It may feel overwhelming, and it is imperative that you address your emotions and process them. Allow yourself to feel everything, take a second and soak it in, DO NOT PUSH THEM AWAY. It is normal, and it’s okay!
There are so many ways to process your emotions. Here’s our guide:
Become aware that you are having an emotional experience
Name the feelings that you are having
Try to understand what exactly caused you to have these emotions/feelings
Evaluate the impact these emotions/feelings have had on you
Decide how you will cope with your emotions/feelings
We understand it isn't always as easy as this. You may feel like you need extra support, and if you do, then ask for help. You can reach out to other doulas you know, a mentor, and if necessary, you can always reach out to a professional. This is to make sure you are able to support yourself and your client without any potential negative repercussions.
“On Call”
We also wanted to mention what being on call can look like. It can vary depending on how many clients you take on at a time, if you have a backup doula, and more. Here are a few questions to ask yourself when you are thinking of being on call.
Do you have any children?
A demanding “other” job?
Family members relying on you?
Pets relying on you?
You may be called to a birth and become unavailable to your other responsibilities for several hours. Make you sure you have the support you need at home to continue on with your work. It can feel like a lot but keep in mind that it isn’t about doing everything at once; it’s about balance, and balance is about doing the right things in the right seasons. It is very easy to burn out, so take it slow, and please give yourself grace.
Shared On Call Schedule
It is very common for doulas to work together. We accompany each other to help prevent burnout. A companion is always an option if you feel as though you have taken on more than you can handle. Someone who shares your clients, someone you can rely on and confide in. It is also very helpful when you have multiple clients that are due around the same time. To have that backup doula in case you are unavailable.
Initially, you would find a doula you feel comfortable and compatible with. Once you find your companion, you will meet your client together and explain that you will be working together and they will be working with both of you prenatally, and whichever one of you is on call when they go into labor is the one who will be attending their birth.
This allows each doula to be on call for 15 days a month. Which gives you more time for your other responsibilities and makes sure that you are taking the time to take care of yourself. Your life will maintain some predictability when you are not on call.
Physical Self Care
Your body will carry you for the rest of your life; we need to take care of it. Birth is very physical; it can consist of long nights, uncomfortable hospital chairs, and running on adrenaline. You could have achy feet from a long birth while also starving at 2 in the morning. You could have been doing hours of counter pressure for hours on end. We cannot say this enough: take care of yourself so you can care for others.
Physical self-care can look like:
Packing snacks and making sure you are eating nutritious meals
Keeping yourself hydrated
Wearing compression socks
Post-birth recovery{stretching, Epsom salt baths}
Resting after a long birth without feeling guilty for it
Physical self-care isn’t always glamorous, but it is needed. It’s practical, and it matters, so don’t forget it!
Mental and Emotional Care After Holding Space
Self-care as a doula shouldn’t be a luxury; it isn’t selfish, it isn’t optional. It is what allows us to continue showing up with softness instead of exhaustion. We all know that births can take up a lot of our emotional battery. We are bearing witness to someone's most intimate moments, and it is extraordinary, but we also have to take care of our own mental health as well. There will be difficult days, and exhaustion can hit like a truck-give yourself time to process. Birth is intimate and sometimes heavy.
Cozy self-care for the heart may look like:
Journaling after intense experiences
Debriefing with another doula
Talking to a therapist
Sitting in silence before driving home
Allowing yourself to process birth experiences
Setting intentions straight before entering a new birth space
We hold space for others, but we have to give ourselves space too. We will feel so many emotions, happiness, relief, strength, trauma, and there might be some tears. We are doulas, we aren’t immune. We are simply human.
Boundaries Aren’t Cold-They’re Kind
It is okay to say no. The word “No” may be intimidating, but it is necessary. When you feel as though you cannot provide the services that align with your potential client, it is okay to refer them out to another doula. If you feel like your schedule is already full, it is okay to say no. You are meant to set a limit for yourself to prevent burning out. Self-care can mean setting specific office hours and sticking to them without guilt. Charging fairly, saying no when your calendar is full, protecting your time with your family, and having alone time. Ensuring clear communication policies, so there is no confusion. Saying yes to everything, overextending yourself, and feeling like you need to answer texts at all hours of the day will put more stress on yourself. Sustainable doulas create sustainable support!
The work of a doula is sacred, it's special, and lovely. We do not need to sacrifice ourselves to do it. When we are rested, nourished, and emotionally/mentally supported, we are able to perform better. Our clients can feel it. Maybe the most powerful and important thing we can do to model for the families we serve is this: Care for others. But care for yourself too. We will see you next week!